An Australian tourist after a day at the races, was sitting at the bar in an Irish pub when all of a sudden a guy yelled out "Number 47!", and all the other drinkers started laughing.


A few minutes later another guy yelled out "Number 77!, and again everybody laughed.


The Australian thought this was a bit odd, so he asked the barman what was going on.

The barman said, "Well, it's like this - these people have been drinking here for years, and they all tell the same jokes. So a couple of years ago we decided to give each joke a number, and now when someone starts telling a joke, if you think you know what it is you call out the number and if people think it's a funny one they will laugh."


The Aussie thought he'd give this a try. He waited until it was quiet and then stood up and shouted "Number 88!" and everybody laughed loudly and hysterically for ten minutes or more.

People were falling over and crying with laughter. The pub was in uproar.



The Aussie said to the barman, "So tell me, why did they laugh more at my joke than the others?"



And the barman said, "Well, there are two reasons--firstly it was a very funny joke, and secondly, nobody had heard it before."

Not bad Paddy :lol:

Here's one that I don't think has been posted before on our forum:

One day a man passed by a stable and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the owner: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $2,000 for him."

"He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the owner said.

The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to $3,000."

"He doesn't look so good," the owner said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."

The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the owner and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!"


The owner calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"

Great stuff!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Pretty good Rogan Josh, not heard number 89 for a while. :lol:

So this guy is driving the horse truck through the streets of Melbourne at a 100 miles an hour and then a copper pulls him over and walks up to the driver. He said "did you realise you were going WAY over the limit there buddy!!!"

the truck driver said "Sorry mate but if i dont get these horses to Flemington by the first race i'll lose my job!"

The copper said "give me a look in the back". and he walks around and has a look then comes back and said "THERES NO ************ HORSES IN THERE!!" and the truckie says "********! Dont tell me they've given me the scratchings again THIS WEEK!!"

Merry Xmas everyone.

It is so dry here that if it wasn't for the English cricket team. we wouldn't see a ************ duck.

A car pulls into the driveway.

The woman says "that is my husband, jump into the wardrobe".

After awhile in the wardrobe a voice said,
"Geez it's dark in here"

The guy looks down and can see this kid and the kid says, "how would you like to by my plastic football for $50?"

The guys says " you have to be kidding".

The kid says "if you don't buy my football for $50, I will tell my Daddy what I saw".

The guy parts with $50.

That evening the kid races to his Father and says, " Hey Dad, guess what?, I sold my plastic football for $50".

The Father taken aback said "Son, that is dishonest, that crappy football cost $2 and you conned someone into $50, Sunday you will go to Church and confess everything".

"Ah, do I have to", "YES" replied the Father in anger.

Sunday arrives and the kid heads for the confessional, once in there he says "Geez its' dark in here" and a voice from the other side says "Don't tell me I've copped him again".

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. "What was that?" inquired the steward. "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a Mint". He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either me or that ************ steward!!"

Few more....

The tipster said this horse would walk in. It did, but all the others galloped.


I bet on a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.


The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.


That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!


My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.


I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the Tote window betting on another horse in the same race.......

one more...


This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: "What was that for?"
WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"
MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." The wife looked all satisfied, apologises, and goes off do work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: "What in the world was that for this time?"
WIFE: "Your horse called."